Party on the Ala Wai

So, back at Melrose Place Billy & Allison decided to have a potluck and invite the whole building. Jerry & Woman obviously didn't have any other plans and my date with a Papillon fell through at the last minute so I tagged along. Sadly, there was nothing low carb in the buffet.


On my way to the bar, I spotted a gorgeous brunette.

I quickly ran home & threw on a fierce outfit.


And leapt into her arms to confess my undying love.


Her name is Connie and she digs me.


Later on, I was hanging with my girl when suddenly I spotted a gorgeous Adonis. I leapt into his arms to confess my undying love.


So, Bruce, where ya from?


The rest of the night was kind of a blur.

Hippity Hoppity

Oh goody goody. Easter is here. Twenty dollars Woman puts me in a dress by 10:00 am. What time is it?


DAMN HER! I wonder if a jump in the canal would kill me. Maybe I should push her in first to check.

Oh, she's lucky I was distracted by presents!


Do I look macho with this football or do the gay bunny ears cancel it out?

Maffy Heaster!

Thar She Blows!

Sunday, I went for a hikey-poo to Makapu'u Lighthouse. I brought along Woman & her friend Rachel to carry my water and take pictures of me looking outdoorsy for my portfolio.


It was two miles uphill so I took lots of breaks so the ladies could rest. I wasn't tired at all.


Here is the view of the lighthouse from the top.

This is looking towards Waimanalo Bay. We saw some whales & a sea turtle.


This is Rachel. She said I was heavy so I farted in her car on the ride home. Several times.


Here is one of many chicks who dig me. There was another ankle bitter there that said I looked like a fat poodle. He probably weighed 40 lbs., while I am a lean 20 lbs. Okay, 22 lbs, but who's the real fatty? The kid! And Maestro. Maestro is fat.

I climbed this rock for some extra calf muscle work.

Then I couldn't get down so I made Woman carry me. Two miles down hill.


But it wasn't because I was tired.


No, I just thought she could use some upper body work.

Aloha Waikiki

So our lease is up at the end of the month & I found us a lovely new place in Waikiki. I needed Woman & Jerry to sign some papers and write one of those check thingys so we walked down to the new apartment last Saturday.

Goodbye Ala Moana, Hello Waikiki!

And hel-lo boys!

So we are walking along enjoying the day when we run into Maestro. A one year old version of myself. I can practically smell the puppy food on his breath. What a fatty. And he isn't even altered. How un-PC. So I told him I hated him and Woman apologized for my behavior and on we went. Good riddance!

Here is our new apartment building. People are real friendly like it's Melrose Place or something.

The canal is across the street & the beach is three blocks away.

So we toured the new pad & ended up moving that day. Here is the entry into the living/ dining area.

And the kitchen with the bath & bedroom down the hall.

As papers were being signed, some neighbors dropped by to introduce themselves and they all said the same thing... "Oh, he looks just like Maestro!" That's right. The fat puppy is my new neighbor. Ugh. I hope it's not a long lease.

Quarter-life Crisis

Well, yesterday I turned three. Ugh, I feel so ancient. Thank goodness I don't look a day over eighteen months.

Woman & Jerry threw me a surprise party. The big surprise was that no one else showed up. What wasn't surprising was the pink tiara Woman made me wear. I really do hate her.

Woman made a chicken & oatmeal cake with peanut butter frosting. Here I am licking off the frosting. I'm very dainty like that.

Umm, then I may have gotten a bit carried away but it was sooo worth it. I hope Woman & Jerry didn't expect me to share.

What? I've something on my face? Never mind, let's open presents.

Hang on! This isn't an iPhone! What does a dog have to do to get an iPhone around here?

Okay, that was fun. Let's go to the dog park so I can hit on some puppies & make myself feel better. I'll save the convertible for my mid-life crisis.

2008 Resolutions

Well, it's 2008 so I reckon I should make some resolutions. (We're watching the newest installment of Lonesome Dove so I'm using words like reckon.)

Obviously, my first resolution is to inflict bodily harm on Woman.


Resolution two is to get a minimum of fifteen hours of sleep a day.


Resolution Three: Reduce carbs until I see a reduction in the size of my behind.


And finally, this is the year I shall become the ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPION!


There, that should do it.

The Christmas Kitty

Well, that was quite the extended turkey coma, wasn't it?

The fault, of course, lies with Woman. Ever since she brought that feline into our house, her laptop has been pushed aside. I can do a lot for a dog, but I can't manage to slide that little plastic bar that opens her laptop. I was hoping for an iPhone for Christmas but was sadly disappointed. At least I have new balls.


LEAVE US!


Jerry was maniacally happy about the streamers & basket for his new bike. He's such a girl sometimes.


Back to Woman's new kitty. I loathe her & am terrified of what it means for me. Woman has that evil glint in her eye again.

A few weeks ago, I went downtown to take Christmas photos with a couple of fatties for my Holiday card.


Whoops-a-daisy, that's the wrong side! Oh, I am so bad. Here are the original fatties on the back of our card.


Didn't get one in the mail? Well, print it out here, slap it on your fridge & stop whining.

Here's to a good New Year's Eve & a bad champagne hangover on New Year's day! I have plans with a Yorkie down the hall so don't wait up.