Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Lazy Labor Day

Woman had a raging dinner party over Labor Day weekend.

You know your party is hot when you crack out the ice cream maker.

Sugar makes me do crazy things.

All I can say is, it got really out of hand.

I was half surprised when Woman was up before noon the following morning.

I was in no mood for her harassment so I banished her from the apartment.

She picked up her cohort Lacey and headed to Hanauma Bay.

While I enjoyed some quality time with myself...

Woman spent the day annoying the locals.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

On a Roll

So, after Danni's party, Woman spent several hours and several rolls of quarter dollars eradicating my flea friends. She washed the linens, pillows, sofa covers, dog beds, rug and more. I was a bit lonely all day at home without them so Woman hired me a dog walker. Her name is Amy and she is just divine.

She comes over everyday whilst Woman is at work and we frolic along the Ala Wai.

She totally digs me.

Amy's a delight, but I was still a bit miffed about the flea thing so I decided to make myself sick. I vomited all over the rug, sofa covers and dog beds she had just washed. I'm Goonie. That's what I do.

Unfortunately, my plan backfired and I ended up at the veterinarian's office for two days on IV fluids. On a plus side, I did ruin Woman's birthday weekend and cost her quite a lot of money.

So, after a full recovery, a second washing of the rug, sofa covers and dog beds, paying for my daily dog walker and all of my medical bills, what did Woman do? She got me this new custom made harness and took me for a photo shoot in Waikiki.

I love how it shows off my pecs.

This is my Blue Steel look.

My photos even caught the eye of Harness Heaven owner and designer, Janis, who made yours truly the Harness Heaven MODEL OF THE MONTH!

It seems Woman will do just about anything for this sweet face. Sucker.

Saturday, July 18, 2009


A dog's fleas are his jewels and thanks to Woman's ex-boyfriend, I have been bedecked. I wouldn't usually mind, as I enjoy the company, but my little leaping friends caused me to miss Danni's 2nd birthday party on Saturday. I was looking forward to a more mature puppy breath-free Danni, and of course the CAKE! I like cake like Woman likes tying one on and singing along to musicals on DVD... which is quite a lot.

Any who, Woman flitted off to the party without me so I phoned my new yoga teacher for a little one on one instruction. She's edgy; she has black toenails.

Meanwhile at Danni's party, pretty boys frolicked...

Dogs played soccer...

And then they ate my cake.

Woman eventually returned home with her arms full of presents that Danni sent for me. Apparently, she pulled a Lesley Gore and cried all through her party because I had been quarantined. She's a sweet kid...

And she knows just what I like...

And I do like cake.

But I'm not one to get overly excited.

Or carried away.

Or partake in a polite fiction like the five second rule.

Oh my, I'm so satiated that I don't even care that Woman is singing and dancing along to the Super Trouper scene in "Mamma Mia" right now. That Meryl Streep is looking good. I bet she does yoga.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Don't Mess with Goonie

Woman went to Texas for ten days...

And all she brought me was this lame t-shirt.

Oh, and all of these other presents.

I can only imagine all of the horrible things she could pack into ten days.

She probably let young children play with guns.

Told some baby goats the secret ingredient in cabrito tacos.

Caught rides with strangers.

Made friends with cows...

Then stuffed her face with their brethren.

I can see her starting fires.

Breaking an old horse's spirit, not to mention it's back.

I can even imagine her adopting a sweet little burro in need of a good home.

Then letting her friends take turns beating it.

I mean sure, maybe the neighbors shot a coyote, but only Woman would string up a donkey.

I sure didn't miss her evil ways.

But I'll still take the presents.

Don't mess with Goonie!