Aloha!

Well don't I feel silly. Turns out we were at a cheap airport motel last night in a place called Oakland. We got on yet another airplane this morning & I got crammed under Woman's seat for another five hours but I must say, I was quite pleased with the results.


May I introduce you to my new bachelor pad in Honolulu? Wait a minute, what the devil am I wearing? How cliché, woman. Normally I would demand her to take it off but I believe I'll let this one slide.

Oh dear, I believe I've already been infected with that nasty little bug they call the "Aloha Spirit". Maybe I can ward it off with a good pee in her suitcase.

Ick!

What the deuce? I left my 1930's Tudor building in New York City & got shoved into a bag under Woman's airplane seat for 6 hours to live here? Are you kidding me? This place looks like a cheap airport motel! This is an outrage! Seriously, who has blue carpet? And I'm pretty sure the bedspread is synthetic. Ick!

Start spreading the news...

I believe it's time to face the facts... I think we may be moving.
Oh, what shall become of me?


Okay, I'm over it. Thank goodness we had ice cream in the house. I better get started on my correspondence.


To all of my girlfriends, if you are reading this than you are very smart for dogs. Anywho, I'm afraid it's over between all of us. I'm about as into long distance relationships as I am monogamy. Ha ha!

To my dear neighbor Bruce, how do you get your abs so defined? Do you use some kind of abs machine? Please let me know right away.

XOXO,

da Goon

Rubbish

Oh, looky-loo. We're having a rummage sale. How very suburban housewife of Woman, despite the fact that we live in New York City. One of the boroughs, sure, but none the less. What's next? Will we be moving to a Jersey suburb, trade in our MetroCards for a Subaru Outback & dress the kids in matching alligator shirts? Hmmm?


Oh, am I supposed to be a guard dog or something? Er, Woof Woof! No five finger discounts for you lot! What does this bandanna say? "Not for Sale"? Oh, bravo, woman. Very original. Someone must have been up all night to come up with that one.

A toast!

Well, today was Woman's final day at her job of 8 1/2 years. She said something about it being bittersweet which just made me crave chocolate like nobody's business. Jerry made a big dinner & I stole one of his beers, with which I'd like to propose a toast to GS for the past two & a half years of my clothing budget. Not that I look a day over eighteen months, thank you very much.

Work It Out

Woman took me to my doctor today for some sort of a health certificate. Apparently we are going somewhere on an airplane and let me tell you, I could use a little vacay after having to ride the public bus today. I hope my neighbor Bruce didn't see me.


Afterwards we went to Petco for a little retail therapy and I got this fun little tennis ball barbell. I was going to try on some new clothes as well but Woman was having allergies so we had to cut our trip short. I hope she's not allergic to doo-doo because she has a nice little surprise waiting for her in her Payless Monolos. (Evil laugh.)


Oh! Look at me! I'm working out! And one & two! Maybe Bruce needs a workout buddy.


I love balls. Tennis balls, of course! Get your minds out of the gutter & leave me in peace.

Do I look gay in this?

What the bloody hell is this thing around my neck? Dog's may be color blind but I can tell it's pink from the look on Jerry's face. Does that woman think I'm gay?


Ugh. I'll be in my room watching "High School Musical". That Zac Efron is such a delight.


Don't mind the mess; Woman has been packing up a storm. I do hope she's moving out.

Cuz-tastic

So, Woman came home from dinner the other night where she met some of her Woof friends in real-life person, not in a chat room for once. She told me Pepito sent me a new cuz. I had to pretend to be sweet to get it from her. (Look at her pasty leg. Pepito should have sent her a bottle of self tanner instead.)


Thank you for the cuz Pepito. It tastes like rubber, just the way I like it. I don't know what the card says because I'm a dog & can't read. (I blog by telekinesis.)


The next morning, Woman left to go on a business trip. I waited to make sure she really left.


I was going to invite one of my girlfriends, Jenny, over to party but I couldn't remember her number. I believe it's something like 867-5309 but I got distracted when my neighbor Bruce started mowing his yard. I wonder what gym he goes to.


Are you looking at my double chin? I have got to find a good waxer.

Isn't it ironic?

I can lick my own forehead, but not my butt.