Well, Woman & Jerry Bob went to the ASID awards banquet last weekend. This is for all you desperate housewives that have been asking for a closeup of bald Jerry:

Jerry is on the left with Woman's coworker/friend center & coworker/friend's husband on right. My coworker/middle finger is saluting him right now. I've got a permanent tux look going & I didn't even get a doggie bag.

Study This

So, for those who care, Woman's job is going well. She's an Interior Designer, not that you'd know it from looking at the dump we live in. She's currently designing an advertising office & some fancy house in Maui. I wonder if they're looking to adopt.


And Jerry got a job waiting tables at some factory of cheesecake whilst he saves money for real estate school. These are his note cards. Seems he has to take some stupid test during training. It's a cheesecake factory. Why can't it be a taste test?


This doesn't taste like cheesecake.


Am I helping?


And the answer is "Graham Cracker Crust." Oh, I miss Carson. Jay Leno can kiss my big (yet firm) black behind.

Lying, lying liars.

It was another beautiful day in Hawaii & Woman & Jerry told me they were going to go to the library to research tax law. Four hours later, I was bored & surfing the internet & what do I spy on the Waikiki webcam?????? Jerry & Woman horsing around on the beach! I guess it's not true that when you lie, your pants are actually on fire. Especially when you're wearing a towel that Jerry is trying to steal. Time to go pee on something expensive.

You take the good, you take the bad...

Well Woman started a new job this week. Which is good because it means she's out of my hair and Jerry can focus on my puppy massages...


But also bad because sometimes, the scary window monster eats my racquetball & no one is here to stick their hand in it's mouth to retrieve it for me. You know, because I don't have thumbs. Not because I'm scared or anything. Because I'm not.

Doggles

So I was just lying around daydreaming when Woman told me we were going out for a family outing. Um, family? That's pretty messed up, but I was up for a little fun so I grabbed my towel & sunglasses & we headed down to Waikiki. Jerry came along to carry the bag. He didn't really want to come because he was watching a pigskin game. Mmmmm, pork rinds.


So these are my new glasses. What do you think? Does my head look too round in them? Don't you hate buying new glasses? I looked to Cosmo for some tips but how am I supposed to know if I've a square, oval or heart shaped face? I do wish Woman had brought my swimming trunks. No one else was swimming bottom-less.


Oh yes, very funny. Catch me coming out of the shower. Very clever. Shame it isn't a video. AFV is looking for entries, you pervert.

Diamonds!

Well, Woman & Jerry went to Diamond Head the other morning. I asked them to bring me back a tennis bracelet but the only thing that came back glittering was the pair of them covered in sweat.

Here is the start of the trail:


And here is the view from the top:

Looks nice but, *yawn*, I'd rather work on my tan by the pool. However, the treat you get when you're done does look tasty.


By the way, apparently the stress of moving to a remote island with Woman has made all of Jerry's hair vacate his head.

Abs of Bronze

Look at the abs on this guy! He sure gets lei'd a lot. I dare say he's got the right idea. I shall model my life after this Duke guy from now on. My life and my abs. Here's the live feed of his location. Perhaps if you all quit your jobs & become recluses, you may see me working on my abs nearby sometime.

You put the lime in the coconut...

To my female admirers:

If you like Pina Coladas, and getting sand in your face.
Come see me on the North Shore. I found the perfect place.


Unhand my coconut, Jerry! I'm trying to impress the ladies with my mixology skills! From the looks of Woman in a bathing suit, I believe you've made her her share of Pina Coladas.

*YAWN*

Rainbows are gay.